49 Years Old – 18 Years Active Addiction – In Recovery Since 05/10/18
Profession: Graphic Artist
Status: Married w/children
Hometown: Las Vegas, Nevada
Drug of Choice: Prescription Pills, Marijuana, Alcohol
Initial Treatment: Rehab
May 9, 2018, I found myself waking up on the bathroom floor of my hotel room. A pocket knife in my right hand, and a half-inch, blood-encrusted gash on my left wrist. Slowly sitting up, scanning my surroundings, and discovering several empty bottles of booze and cigarette butts had littered the bathroom floor. My legs shaking as I struggled to stand, it was then that I noticed the bathtub was full. Shocked, I looked at myself in the mirror asking my reflection, “What the fuck am I doing?!! What am I doing to my boys?!!”. I didn’t remember much of the night before. I vaguely remember feeling like a total failure… failure as a father, failure as a husband, failure at life. I felt like I couldn’t do anything right. I had spent three straight nights in a cheap Vegas hotel room, trying to end my worthless life… and I couldn’t even do that right. 18 years of active addiction. I should have died numerous times, but yet, here I am… at my wit’s end, desperate to end the pain and struggle of my miserable life of addiction.
Soon after turning 21, I moved to Las Vegas. I never would have imagined that this move would awaken a sleeping giant buried deeply in my subconscious. What started out as an occasional game of blackjack, quickly turned into playing every night. Drinking and smoking accompanied my gambling almost instantaneously. This went on for years. And after two short failed marriages, at the age of 28, I found myself in Vegas’ underground nightlife scene. It was here that I found the love of my life… ecstasy! I tried and did most of the club drugs. I partied steadily for years.
In 2005, after a major car accident, I was introduced to the world of prescription drugs. That was the beginning of the end. For the next 13 years, I was taking a daily cocktail of painkillers, sleeping pills, ADHD and anti-anxiety medications.
After my last suicide attempt, I realized I needed help. I checked into rehab, and did a 60-day program, finding freedom from my active addiction in their treatment and the 12 steps of Narcotics Anonymous. Today, my active recovery has given me back everything active addiction took from me. I’m no longer the failure I felt I was. I’m a walking miracle… living proof that recovery is possible.
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